Crash and Burn

I'm going through massive disappointment. I placed too much hope in the future. I guess you could say that I unconsciously counted my chickens before they hatched. Anyways, I discovered today that what God has planned for me is NOT what I had in mind.

I got my reply letter today for my RA application. Not only did I not get the RA position, I didn't even get the alternate (wait list). I've been coping with that disappointment all day. (I found out at 8:30am). I KNOW that God is in control. I KNOW that if this happens, then this is what God wants for me. It's just so hard to see something that almost became a reality crumble and burn to the ground. I've been trying not to think about it and trying to remind myself that all things work for good to them that love God. But I still can't talk to someone honestly about how I feel without breaking down and crying.

God, I don't understand. It's so hard to accept this. But I know that everything You allow is for Your glory. And everything that happens is filtered through Your loving hands. It's hard for me to accept that I experience pain because You love me. But I don't care what You take me through. I will still love You.