Little Bits of Happiness

Am I relying on the little bits of happiness God gives me or on the deep joy that is found through a relationship with God Himself?

I find so many little bits of happiness, and I've been blessed with them more and more every day. Meeting new people thrills me. Finding out things that we have in common excites me. Climbing on the rock wall makes me forget about my studying. Breaking through the walls into the real feelings of a friend awes me. Playing improv acting games makes me laugh like I haven't laughed in a while. Hearing the memories and painful stories makes my heart hurt and my arms yearn to embrace...to wipe away the tears...to heal the hurts...

God has given me so many blessings. I especially treasure the blessing of my friend. I don't really know why I'm so intrigued by him. I respected him for his discipline and studious-ness, but I think what made me so curious is the fact that he's so hard to get to know. He has built a wall around himself, probably subconsciously, and his shyness keeps him from reaching out and making new friends. Quiet people intrigue me because they always have deep thoughts going on in their minds that they don't often share. I wonder what they're thinking and what they're like. It almost becomes my mission to gently break down the barriers and get through to the inside.

I feel like the walls are coming down and my friend has finally let me into his life. I've really enjoyed our conversations so much. He hides so much of who he is from everyone because he is so shy, so I feel so honored that he is talking to me and sharing with me. I feel like he trusts me. I think he's been hiding for so long because sharing your life makes you vulnerable, and I already know that he is a very sensitive person. I think he feels like he can be himself around me, and I really appreciate that. I love talking to and spending time with him because he is a real person and he acts real. Real friends share problems and encourage each other to deepen their walk with God. Being with a friend makes me happy.

God has given me so many little bits of happiness. And some big bits of happiness. But what are the things that I can keep and enjoy as gifts from God, and what are the toys that God wants me to give up to him? I remember a friend telling me that I need to give up my little bits of happiness to God. But are my bits of happiness wrong? Can't I still keep them? Why do I have to give them up? Didn't God give them to me for me to enjoy? Or does He want me to leave my toys on the shelf and never play with them?

I'm not sure whether to enjoy my little bits of happiness or feel guilty about them.