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Choir

I auditioned for choir today. I was hoping that I would make the top choir. I love singing so much, and I loved singing with a professional choir that makes excellent music together. I miss being a part of a good choir, so I wanted to join the top choir this year. I thought I had a good shot of making it.

I didn't make the top choir.

Apparently they only have 2 spots for sopranos, and these will be filled by graduate or upper division students. I am very disappointed.

But I know God is in control. If He wanted me in that choir, He would have put me in, no matter what the obstacles. So I guess God has something better planned for me. I don't know what that would be, but I have to trust that God works out all things for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.

Praise God, for He is the Lord. I praise You and thank you for not allowing me to be in the top choir. I trust that You have the perfect plan for me. I know You have loving allowed this in my life.

God, please help me to believe in my heart.

Believe

Ever since I got home from LoveCorps, its been rush, rush, rush back into life. Work has been stressful because I need to finish all the videos for the website to be launched at the beginning of next month. I've been making a lot of progress, but I've spent a lot of my time and energy there as well.

I miss being with my Opitsaht team, but I feel like the transition coming home has been a lot easier this year than it was last year. Every time I remember my teammates, I lift them up in prayer. I have been praying so much since I returned home, and when I meet up with friends, our conversations are always so centered on Christ. I have been abiding in God much more than I have ever in my life. When I get in the car to drive somewhere, I talk to God. When I wake up, and when I sleep, I think about God's amazing love. It's been amazing to be in a constant conversation with God.

But it's different than I imagined. There aren't fuzzy feelings of warmth and excitement. No spectacular signs or a booming voice from the sky.

It's a peace. Calm assurance that God is in control. A steady belief. Quiet trust. And God doesn't answer me in the storm, but in the still and small silence where I simply trust Him and

Believe.

Professor

I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my professor anymore.

Everytime I approach her and talk to her, I leave extremely frustrated and in tears. Everytime I get an assignment back, I don't understand why I got the grade that I did. It's not that I want to get a perfect score. Its just that I thought I did the assignment exactly as she stipulated, so when she takes off points, I would like to know what I did wrong and where I lost points. I'm not trying to get a higher grade, I just don't understand what I did wrong becasue I thought that I followed her instructions to the letter. If she would just explain what I did that was not following the directions, then I could fix that next time.

But everytime I approach her for direction, help, or explaination, she gets really upset with me. Professors are supposed to be there to help and guide the students. She seems like she has no patience to explain her grading or help me do better in the course. She has a certain expectation in her mind, and I feel like she just expects you to know it. Somehow I'm just supposed to know exactly what she means, and if I mess up and do something different, then that its. It's my fault that I didn't know exactly what she meant, and its my fault for not doing exactly what she expected in her mind for me to do.

"I'm tired of arguing grades with you"

I'M NOT ARGUING GRADES! I just want to know what I did wrong and why you took off so that I can do better next time.

"You need to start taking responsibility for what you did. Don't say 'Well you said this...'"

I AM TAKING RESOPINSIBILITY FOR WHAT I DID. I FOLLOWED YOUR INSTRUCTIONS! I AM RESPOINSIBLE FOR FOLLOWING YOUR INSTRUCTIONS. You told me to do it a certain way, so I did it. But now you're saying that I didn't follow your instructions. WHAT DID I DO THAT DIDN'T FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS?

I am frustrated beyond words. I can't talk to her anymore. Every single time I end up crying because I am so humiliated. I am so frustrated at this miscommunication and I am humiliated. You're supposed to help your student. Not humilate them.

Lonely Again

Dear God,

I'm lonely again.

I know why. Because I'm prone to wander. I know my heart is prone to wander away from you. And only You can fill that hole inside of me. Only You can make me whole.

I've been trying to make it through on my own strength again. Why do I always do this? I forget and try to do it all on my own. Of course, I can't. Epic Fail.

I need You. I need Your strength. I need Your love to fill my emptiness.

I do need friends and fellowship and support. And I am definately lacking in support.

But then again, You are still the most important. And even when I have everything else, if I neglect to spend time with You, then I have nothing.

Please teach me to love You more.

Because my heart is fickle and I am prone to wander.